Jokes!

[Maxim-umm]

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers!



What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese!!

 

[Maxim-umm]

This one's a little grittier..


There this mortitian and one night after having gone home, his assistant calls with a confused voice:
"Hello?"
"Hi, Mr. Jones, there seems to be a problem with Mrs. Smith's body."
"A problem? How? I checked her over before I left today."
"I feel you should come down and take a look for yourself."
"Ok, be right there."

When Mr. Jones arrives, his assistant takes him to Mrs. Smith's body. He takes a look and sees nothing wrong.

"See, there's nothing wrong with her."
"No, I swear! It's right here between her legs! It looks like someone shoved a shrimp in there!"

Mr. Jones looks.

"Where? I don't see anything."
"Right here!!!" As his assistant points at her crotch.
"What are you talking about? That's not a shrimp! That's her clit!!"
"...Oh...."

A silent confusion fills the room when the assistant says:

"Well...that's not what it tasted like."



The end

 

[MrStubb]

2 hunters out deer hunting. Lars a Norwegian and Nels a Swede. After hours of nothing Nels had to poo so he walked a distance from their blind found a log and proceeded to do his business. When finished he decided to nap for a short time with his but still over the log. As he napped Lars saw & bagged a Huge buck. To play a joke on Nels Lars gutted the buck right behind Nels and quietly returned to the blind with the buck. 20 min later Nels got back winded and pale. When Lars asked he said I crapped my guts out but with a good stick I stuffed them all back in.

 

[MrStubb]

Looks like the Joke page has been neglected by All for a while. So I'll have to pull out a few old ones. What do you call a guy with No arms or legs on your door step?? Mat. The same guy Waterskiing?? Skip. The same guy Swimming?? Bob. What do you say to a 1 legged Hitch hiker?? Hop In

 

[MrStubb]

If Bananas come over on a Banana boat And Fairies come over on a Fairy boat What does Herpes come over on?? The Captains Dingy!!!

 

[Elena Deborah]

“A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in sex either!" then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied. "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion.

 

[drewpy]

Travis,
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs. The phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work. You don't know them."
I sometimes stay awake to look out for her cab coming home, but she always comes walking up the drive as I hear the sound of a car leaving, around the corner.
I once picked up her cell phone, just to see what time it was. This caused her to go completely berserk. She quickly snatched the phone out of my hand and cursed me hysterically, screaming that I should never touch her personal property. She then accused me of trying to spy on her. Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down, that I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my XS400 next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the street around the corner when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my motorcycle, that I noticed a small amount of motor oil leaking through the gasket between the head and rocker arm cover.
So, is this something I can easily repair myself or do you think I should take it to the bike shop?

Drewps

 

[Travis]