In the beginning, bacon was good. No, it was transcendent.
Smoky goodness. Firm, yet yielding meat and crispy fat,
a perfect marriage of tastes and textures, in one sumptuous staple.
As a breakfast meat, it had no equal.
As the founding ingredient in the late summer classic,
the BLT, it was gratifying as few other things in life are.
Strips of bacon, crackling, sizzling strips of bacon;
no embellishment necessary; no gilding for this lilly.
Then, for whom perfection was not enough,
bacon became the subject of their meddling.
First, the meddlers contrived bacon burgers.
Burger, good; bacon, spectacular, but somehow,
the joining of these stalwarts, while inoffensive,
produced a result less than the sum of it parts.
Likewise, chocolate covered bacon, an omen if there ever was,
failed to recall the magnitude of either chocolate or bacon.
The bacon meddlers had only begun.
They would not, could not, be disuaded.
All restraint they once knew was abandoned.
Bacon debauchery came to corn dogs,
to fried chicken, milkshakes, ice-cream,and soda,
to chewing gum, mayonnaise and yes, baby formula.
Some ask: “why must every food be adorned with bacon?”
The meddlers ask: “why stop at food?”
Invigorated by the intoxication of bacon excess,
the meddlers sallied forth into uncharted ground.
Bacon lip balm, bacon dental floss,
bacon envelopes, bacon air freshener,
bacon bandages, bacon wrapping paper,
bacon shaving cream, bacon candles,
bacon neckties, bacon tattoos,
bacon action figures, bacon wallets.
The meddlers have done naught,
but dilute the charming elegance of bacon.
Who will stand and resist the siren’s song,
a foreboding aria that calls bacon to the shoals?
The modesty of simple -bacon- must be restored.
Fickle souls will forsake the bacon trend,
but simple -bacon- shall be renewed.
Crispy, smoky, primordial bacon, I take solace in you.
Smoky goodness. Firm, yet yielding meat and crispy fat,
a perfect marriage of tastes and textures, in one sumptuous staple.
As a breakfast meat, it had no equal.
As the founding ingredient in the late summer classic,
the BLT, it was gratifying as few other things in life are.
Strips of bacon, crackling, sizzling strips of bacon;
no embellishment necessary; no gilding for this lilly.
Then, for whom perfection was not enough,
bacon became the subject of their meddling.
First, the meddlers contrived bacon burgers.
Burger, good; bacon, spectacular, but somehow,
the joining of these stalwarts, while inoffensive,
produced a result less than the sum of it parts.
Likewise, chocolate covered bacon, an omen if there ever was,
failed to recall the magnitude of either chocolate or bacon.
The bacon meddlers had only begun.
They would not, could not, be disuaded.
All restraint they once knew was abandoned.
Bacon debauchery came to corn dogs,
to fried chicken, milkshakes, ice-cream,and soda,
to chewing gum, mayonnaise and yes, baby formula.
Some ask: “why must every food be adorned with bacon?”
The meddlers ask: “why stop at food?”
Invigorated by the intoxication of bacon excess,
the meddlers sallied forth into uncharted ground.
Bacon lip balm, bacon dental floss,
bacon envelopes, bacon air freshener,
bacon bandages, bacon wrapping paper,
bacon shaving cream, bacon candles,
bacon neckties, bacon tattoos,
bacon action figures, bacon wallets.
The meddlers have done naught,
but dilute the charming elegance of bacon.
Who will stand and resist the siren’s song,
a foreboding aria that calls bacon to the shoals?
The modesty of simple -bacon- must be restored.
Fickle souls will forsake the bacon trend,
but simple -bacon- shall be renewed.
Crispy, smoky, primordial bacon, I take solace in you.
